Going through the tough times with dignity and grace.

One of the organizations I learned about during my unemployment was the Women’s Business Center located in Portsmouth, NH. I took a risk in November 2008 and called to ask if they offered any services for professional women that were not entrepreneurs. I was invited to come in for a complimentary one-hour counseling session with Lois Matheson who had recently started working there as a counselor.

Lois and I connected immediately and found ourselves laughing (and me sometimes crying) as I shared my walk to that point. She offered some constructive criticism of my resume, invited me to come back, and sent me off feeling a whole lot better about myself than I had for a long time. I joined WBC and tried to attend meetings as opportunity allowed. I felt a bit out of water as pursuing my own business was not really my passion at that time, but the support from the organization, including Nancy Boyle and new director Christine Davis, was absolutely outstanding!

So it was with sadness that I learned of their closing effective August 31, 2010. I don’t know the ins and outs of the nonprofit world and did read about some grants that might allow a new organization to be created, but that’s another story for another day.

Christine sent out what may be her last newsletter today sharing some of what she has learned these last weeks as her life goes through unexpected change. She’s a lot younger than I am, but the lessons she shares are appropriate for us all no matter the age. Her story can be my story. My story can be your story. We are here to learn from each other as we walk along the path.

With her permission, I share the newsletter with you:

As my final days are winding down here at the WBC I have finally had some time to reflect on all that has transpired over the past few weeks and since my arrival here less than 2 years ago.  I won’t pretend that this hasn’t been difficult.  To be totally honest it has been a lot tougher than I had imagined.  So many emotions to deal with that include grappling with the fear of the unknown.  Intellectually we all know that things will work out.  We all face struggles and we get through them.  It is during that period where you don’t know how it will work out that can really knock you on your butt.

Going through struggles can also be very insightful. We learn a lot about ourselves and others when the going gets tough.  It is easy to lead when life is easy.  It’s when life really takes a nose dive that true leaders shine.  Being in charge and being a leader is not the same thing.

I have learned much from this experience as well as others and thought I would share a few tidbits of wisdom.  Maybe 39 is too young to have wisdom so you can call it what you like.

·   People aren’t stupid.  They can see through insincerity and will remember how they were treated.
·   Life is tough.  Accept that success requires sacrifice and setbacks.  Luck has nothing to do with it.  Celebrate the moments of laughter, joy and glamour when you get them.
·   Good people do come out on top.  We hired people that we like, be that person.  Be humble, ethical, honest and genuine.  It matters.
·   Surround yourself with people who have the strengths that complement your weaknesses.
·   Ask for help if you need it.  We all need it sometimes and it feels good to do something nice for another.
·   Make career decisions based on who you are and what inspires you.  Don’t live out someone else’s dreams or priorities.
·   Be dependable.
·   Appreciate everything you have.  That includes financial well-being, health, a loving family, true friendships, and colleagues, bosses and customers that are great to work with.
·   Doing the right thing isn’t always the easiest thing.
·   Speak up when you are not happy with something or someone but do it with kindness.
·  No one is entitled to anything.  Work for it and appreciate it when you get it.
·  Accept responsibility for your mistakes immediately.
·  You may not be able to control what happens to you but you can control how you deal with it.
.   If you believe in something invest in it.
.   Give back to your community.
·   Take the high road.  All the cool people are there.

Christine Davis
Executive Director, WBC

Thank you, Christine, for letting me share this. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Lois and Nancy for a better tomorrow.

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Convinced I’m a failure

I’m very blessed to have a husband who loves me enough to confront me. After word about my upcoming return to the Kittery, Maine, school system as a 60% 7-12 Technology Integrator for MLTI was revealed in last Sunday’s paper, I got asked lots of questions. My husband was in earshot as I told the back story. This happened repeatedly as I saw folks after church and at an afternoon concert, all of whom had either seen the article or noticed my updates on LinkedIn and FaceBook.

Monday morning, he asked me if I were grateful to be going back to work. “Of course,” I replied. “Well, you don’t sound it,” was his response. I was dumbfounded.  He continued, “You sound as if getting called back to Kittery is somehow not good enough.” As we talked further, he replayed how I had sounded the previous day. I realized that I had not sounded grateful and was downplaying the successful end of my journey.

With tears now coming down my face, I told him I felt that all my hard work with informational interviews, follow-up phone calls, opportunity on national TV with CBS, professional evaluation of my resume, networking, dozens and dozens and dozens of applications, a bunch of interviews (and later rejections), probably a half-dozen newspaper articles in two different local papers, facilitating an employment support group … and here I was. The ONLY reason I was not still in the job search game was because a position had been created in my former district for which I had recall rights. All my work was for naught … Heck, even Harry Smith had told me, “I’d hire you in a minute,” after my first interview on the Early Show. And 18 months after that experience, the BEST I could do was a contractual call back.

I AM A FAILURE!

That was the root of it! That’s what had been making me sound ungrateful as I told people the latest chapter in my story.

I AM A FAILURE!

By now, of course, I was blathering and my nose was running. I realized that lack of self-esteem was sneaking up behind me and wrapping me with a 2×4, coloring everything that had gone on in my life with the color of failure, taking the beautiful rainbow of new experiences and new friends and making it fade to black.

Bob kindly (yet most strongly) put his hands on my shoulders and reminded me that I was far from a failure. I had taken many risks through my two years of unemployment, there had to be a reason that CBS picked me to follow, I stepped out of my comfort zone repeatedly in going to networking meetings, I had been interviewed a bunch of times and the reasons I was not hired had nothing to do with my capabilities, I started Seacoast Peers for Careers and had helped many other folks, I would be filling a real void in teacher support that had exists for 24 months

He further reminded me that not only was I going to be working back in education (my first love), I would be back again in MLTI, that I had tried my wings teaching Communications for CoLead at UNH and brought a social media component to the curriculum. AND, as time had gone one, I had indicated that part-time employment in something I loved would be the best that could happen.

And it had …

I heard his words and started to laugh through my tears. I didn’t completely believe it yet but did acknowledge how happy I would have been if one of my colleagues from Peers for Careers had had a similar experience in returning to work. Why was it less for me?

Yet again, the specter of lack of self-esteem was right there to come and take my joy.

Does it ever stop? Do we always second guess ourselves and think less of ourselves than we really are?

Fortunately, I have Bob to challenge me to get past those feelings.

Fortunately, also counteracting those failure feelings were some great comments I received on LinkedIn and FaceBook and from those who had written me after getting their own jobs, some of which I share with you here:

• “Congratulations! I was so happy to see that you just accepted a new position as I was looking over my LinkedIn updates. I really enjoyed attending the Seacoast Worker meetings last summer/fall and really appreciated all the support and help the group offered during my job search. Congratulations again – the Kittery School Department is so lucky to have you!” – K.

• “Just saw your update on LinkedIn..glad to hear you’re back doing what you like to do. Best of luck.” – M.

• “And, most importantly, thanks for everything.  Your group (and the other I attended) was awesome and helped a great deal.  Not only did I get some technical help (resumes, interviewing, etc.) but, more importantly, it was a huge emotional and mental lift for me.  Again, thanks for everything.  Please know that you have helped a lot of people with this.” – E.

• “Just got around to checking out the front page of Foster’s!! You’ve become a favorite spokesperson for unemployment concerns.” – M.

• “I think it’s vital for people to be in the group atmosphere where they can find people in the same position as themselves. You can only get the kind of support you need from people who are walking in your shoes. … You do such a wonderful job leading SPFC Diana. … I wish nothing but the best for everyone and hope GOD’S plan shows itself for everyone soon.” – T.

• “CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! You are an inspiration to all of us, and you have really demonstrated how to get back into the workforce successfully! You deserve this and I wish you every success in your new position. 60% is a lot better than 0%!” – K.

When I started this journey, I knew that sharing my story was part of the process. I guess that’s just the teacher in me, knowing how much we learn through each other, especially when those experiences are similar to our own. My story is in so many ways the story of many living the life of the unemployed. The details may be different, but the emotions are the same.

I know my work of sharing is not yet done. How it will continue remains to be seen.

As I was writing this post, I took a moment to go to dictionary.com:

Failure is an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success; a nonperformance of something due, required, or expected while success is the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors, a successful performance or achievement.

Hmmm, don’t that beat all? I guess, I’M A SUCCESS after all.

In overcoming fear and sharing our stories with others,

we find the truth about who we really are—

and discover that we’re not alone.
~ Lisa Hammond

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It’s a new day and a new school year!

Gratitude is an attitude that hooks us up to our source of supply. And the more grateful you are, the closer you become to your maker, to the architect of the universe, to the spiritual core of your being. – Bob Proctor

My husband Bob went to check the Powerball number in Sunday’s paper. Lo and behold, whose face should greet him below the fold but mine — yet again. Fame is so yesterday. Yawn. Tee hee. Those of you who have been following my story know that I have been mentioned in a number of articles during the two years I’ve been out of work.

Seriously, along with a young man with a few years of teaching experience, I had been interviewed because of losing our jobs. According to the article, Laid-off area teachers scramble to find work, some 200 teachers had been laid off statewide this year with the southeastern and northern ends of New Hampshire the hardest hit. Fortunately, Lee Sims (the other teacher in the article) was able to quickly find a position at a local private school. Others, of course, are not so lucky.

Even more unfortunate will be the students who will bear the brunt of the loss of teachers and programs.

It was mentioned in the article that I am returning to work in my former school district. A position was created this spring for a K-12 Technology Integrator. Funding was sufficient for a 60% position that would deal with grades 7-12 to support the Maine Learning Technology Initiative one-to-one laptop program. Because I had the experience, education, and certification, I was offered the post.

While it has some components of my former job, it is not the same. Instead of responsibilities for integration, small group instruction, staff support, hardware and network for grades 6-8, I will be working with solely with teachers in two buildings facilitating technology use in their classrooms.

While I would not have turned down a full-time position, I have come to realize that part-time is a good thing at this point in my life. It allows the best of both worlds. I am working at something I enjoy. Yet, I’m hoping to be able to have some time with Bob when he’s not working and also continue doing empowerment group facilitation with Seacoast Peers for Careers.

Things have changed in two years, including me. There are new applications and new expectations. Some teachers I don’t know at all; some know me very well. That’s both good and bad. There’s a new superintendent with her own vision for the district.

What hasn’t changed is my enthusiasm for my craft and gratefulness for all these new blessings in my life.

It’s a new day and a new school year! Here we go!

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I’ve got a job!

It’s official!

Labor Day 2010 will find me engulfed in beginning a new school year and a new job.

I have a 60% position back in Kittery, Maine, as a 7-12 Technology Integrator for MLTI (Maine Learning Technology Initiative) one-to-one laptop program starting August 30.

The light at the end of the tunnel is no longer an on-coming train!

Wish me luck.

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Convergence in Castine

I spent four days last week in beautiful Castine, Maine, home of the Maine Maritime Academy, and the site of the annual MLTI (Maine Learning Technology Initiative) conference. This was an opportunity for me to get my brain re-activated in “all things laptop” as I get ready to return to the Kittery, Maine, school system as a 60% MLTI Integrator for grades 7-12. For those of you outside of education, that means I will be helping teachers bring more uses of technology into their classrooms not for the technology itself but as a tool for education.

I had a chance to reconnect with some folks and meet lots of new ones. Herein were the unexpected convergence of various parts of my life that are outside my role as technology educator. As they were unfolding, I was fully aware of the comment I made during my interview with the producer of the CBS piece that this entire unemployment experience was directly tied to my spiritual journey. There could be no other explanation why these seemingly disparate events occurred.

One – I had a book with me that dealt with strategies for living the second half of your life including information about self-healing. When a woman I met made a comment about being involved in “healing arts.” That led to hours of conversation over the next two evenings about energy and healing which gave me opportunity to share my experience in healing touch spiritual ministry and how it relates to my Christian walk.

Two – Someone I had met earlier in the week was wearing a pendant etched with a phrase about choosing happiness and putting your energy into that aspect. A conversation ensued about the impact Elie Wiesel’s Night had on her and how much good Wiesel did during his lifetime after living through the Holocaust. I, too, had been impacted by the book and mentioned another, The Hiding Place, written by another Holocaust survivor, Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian, whose family had hidden Jews and members of the Dutch Underground. Although Wiesel’s faith was completely shaken, Ten Boom’s was strengthened by the experience. Ten Boom felt “there is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still” and that “God will give us the love to be able to forgive our enemies.”

Three – Lastly, I found myself using my job search experience with two different people. One I encouraged to make the post-interview phone call to check on the status of the position and the other I told about using a Professional Profile at the beginning of a resume, which provides a clear indication and summary of your skills, experience and accomplishments and value to the employer. I might have been away from Seacoast Peers for Careers in person but not in action.

Could these happenings be a variation on Romans 8:28 (New Living Translation)?

We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

I’d like to think so.

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Full Circle –

For the second time in my life, I’m sitting in beautiful Castine, Maine, but not as a vacationer sitting down near the water nor cruising on one of the boats moored in the harbor. I’m inside at the Maine Maritime Academy attending a four-day conference relative to the Maine Learning Technology Initiative (MLTI for short), the one-to-one laptop program that has been in existence since 2002. My first training conference must have been in 2003. Now, like then, I am among peers and experts in the field and have much to learn.

For those unfamiliar with the program, MLTI transformed middle level education in the State of Maine by giving each 7^th and 8^th grader an Apple laptop, installing a wireless network in each building, and providing some exceptional professional development.

Shapleigh Middle School, where I used to work, was selected as one of the nine exploratory sites around the State and received two class sets of laptops a semester before the full rollout in September 2002. In fact, Governor Angus King (the visionary leader who came up with this plan) used Shapleigh for the kickoff of the program. Its location in Kittery (referred to as the “Gateway to Maine”) seemed the logical spot for telling students, “The world will be watching you,” as this was the largest technological implementation ever. I consider my involvement with the program one of the major highlights of my long educational career.

Over the years, Shapleigh played host to educators from other states, a town in Quebec and a delegation from France. Between laptops, a culture of high standards for kids and cooperation and sharing among staff, along with the leadership of Principal, Greg Goodness, the school was given Blue Ribbon status and its administrator was Maine Principal of the Year.

But that’s history. So why is Diana here when her technology job was eliminated two years ago?

It’s simple:

I’ve got a new/old job!

“What’s a ‘new/old’ job?” you ask. The district Advisory Committee for Information Literacy recommended the creation of an integrator position for fall. After two years of providing support with a coordinator, an ed tech, and a technician, the reality that technology was falling behind without someone to facilitate integration. Originally proposed as a K-12 position, funding was authorized at the 60% level. It will be similar to my old job but will not include all the hardware and network responsibilities.

I’ve been away from this world of technology, so I’m feeling a bit rusty. I’ve been away from the conversations in District as well, so I’m not sure what the teacher needs are. I’ve been away from the jargon, so have definitions to learn.

As always, I am not only learning new things but also having to think about how they will be used in the future after I teach them to others. Being learner and integrator is not always easy but is just part of the game. I’m in sponge mode trying to absorb as much as I can to bring back to my colleagues.

Two summers ago, I was 100% unemployed. As summer 2010 comes to a close, that percentage will reduce, though not be completely eradicated.

In some ways I have come full circle.

The long journey ends as a new one begins.

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Exact change.

Each week when Seacoast Peers for Careers meets I ask the participants to share a blessing for the week – something good that happened. These are especially meaningful when they occur BECAUSE of unemployment. My blessing last week was very simple: I had exact change, no more, no less.

Although the air was quite cool, I had the sunroof open on my car while driving from an appointment to the weekly meeting of Seacoast Peers for Careers. It was warm and sunny enough in the car that stopping by my favorite ice cream stand seemed like a good idea.

I pulled in to Dover Delite thinking about which flavor of Shain’s of Maine ice cream I was going to get – chocolate, chocolate oreo, or my latest discovery, java crunch. When I checked my wallet, however, I had two singles, one dime, and nine pennies – 21 cents short of the $2.40 needed for a kiddie cup.

Darn.

I looked in the pocket of my purse, the glove compartment, the token holder, all to no avail.

Darn again.

I went back to my purse and fished around in the bottom, under the sunglasses, the tissues, and the Chapstick. What did I feel? I pulled out some change – 2 dimes and 1 penny. Golden!

Two singles, 3 dimes, 10 pennies. I had exactly enough! Thank you, God! (Talk about granting the desires of your heart!)

As I savored every bite, it was that much sweeter because of my “miracle.”

Once again, it’s the little things that count for so much.

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Coming through the darkness

It’s been quite a while since I have blogged. After reading today’s entry, you will understand why.

The sun was streaming through my bedroom window last Sunday morning. It felt so good on my face as I lay there in the quiet. I immediately started singing John Denver’s words in my mind: “Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry. Sunshine on the water looks so lovely. Sunshine always makes me high.”

While far from a “sun worshipper,” I find being in the warm sunlight so restorative to my spirit. So I was disappointed when the recent trip my husband and I took to Florida during spring break in March proved to be pretty cold and windy. While it was good to get away, not getting to spend some time just relaxing with a book while sitting outside in warm sunshine (oh, and maybe taking a nap there too), left me unable to truly pull back from the cares of my life and really relax.

And I so needed to do that. Relaxing had become foreign to me …

You see, the events of the last couple of months converged leaving me in the darkness. Anxiety had become my constant companion. I’ve been nervous each morning before I head to class and each time I have to be part of a group. My confidence is shaken and my self-esteem is low. While I have been in some new situations for sure, this is so uncharacteristic for me. Added to those feelings and exacerbating them were some medical concerns. Some meds I had started shortly before the start of the new year made my blood pressure go crazy. This, of course, created anxiety of its own. As my primary care provider worked with me to adjust meds and get my BP down, I found myself falling into a depression. I found myself at a very low point just as we came back from Florida.

My birthday that next week was celebrated back at the doctor’s office where I arrived in tears. While relieved to learn that one of the meds being used to control my BP and also relieve some of my anxiety can cause depression, I realized that hitting a second birthday without full-time employment was also contributing to my downward spiral. I was not feeling sorry for myself but was unable to stop those feelings of inadequacy and failure that had surrounded me, also pulling me towards the abyss.

As I write this, I am not completely out of the woods. However, my BP is under control, my newer meds don’t appear to be causing any issues, and I feel less nervous. I’m still a bit unsure as I leave the house each day, but I have not cried in a number of days. I am still very tired a good part of the time, but I am laughing more and finding joy again in those simple pleasures of a husband and family who love me and all the other blessings in my life.

It’s cold and rainy in Dover again, weather so different from the first day of spring almost a month ago and the beautiful warm Easter weekend of two weeks ago. But this, too, shall pass. This is New England after all, where the weather changes regularly. It is because of that change that I so appreciate the warm sunny days when we have them.

And so it is with life.

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A thank you from Tim

I HAVE LANDED!

That’s how Tim Ashe entitled a recent discussion on the Seacoast Peers for Careers Group on LinkedIn as he announced his good news. I share his words, used with permission, and my comments posted there as well. Hopefully, there will be something you can take and apply to your own job search.

Tim and fellow alum Amy start their new positions March 1.

I have accepted a position to be the Sales Manager at the Laconia Citizen, which is part of Foster’s Daily Democrat. I will be responsible for the revenue generation of 5 sales people. This is a direct result of Liesl Malone and her Hidden Gems series in Seacoast Sunday. The Advertising Director at Foster’s saw the article and reached out to me. Since I have an advertising background and management experience, it seemed like a natural fit. I worked at Foster’s a long time ago for 2 years, so it feels like I’m going home.

I have already contacted Liesl to let her know how much I appreciate her featuring me in her series. What she does for those of us who are unemployed is invaluable. I think we have to keep in mind that, she too, is unemployed, yet she continues to try and give us a voice that can be heard. Thank you again Liesl for everything you have done and continue to do.

I also want to thank Diana Schuman for starting the group. Once I found out about Seacoast Peers for Careers, I attended every week. I found the group to be very comforting and extremely helpful in getting all my ducks in a row. This is a different job market than we have ever experienced before. I think groups like this are essential in helping people focus their energy in the right direction. I learned a great deal about the job search that I never knew before. Groups like this one don’t run themselves. They need people like you and me to participate in order to stay relevant. I hope to stay in touch to see how things are going for everyone. I will be watching for future landings. I will miss seeing everyone on *Wednesdays, but hope this is a sign of things turning around for everyone. Stay positive.

Best of luck to everyone, Tim Ashe

Thank you, Tim, for your kind words for Seacoast Peers for Careers and for me.

This winter season in our lives has resulted in many examples of “paying it forward.” Liesl’s twist on that concept allowed your generous spirit to be viewed by others and had a great result.

Each of the networking/empowerment groups that we have all attended has its own personality; but all of them are comprised of folks willing to share from their experience, their expertise, their knowledge – some of that being acts of paying it forward within themselves. We are the richer for the camaraderie that developed from our sharing and working together.

As you experienced recently, there is much “hoopin’ and hollerin’” at the good news of a landing. While there is, of course, sadness at no longer having the wisdom that you have brought to the table, the joy that we all feel for you is most earnest.

Vaya con Dios, my friend.

*Seacoast Peers for Careers meets Wednesday, 9:30-11 AM, St. John’s UMC, Dover, NH.

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Another Banner Week

Gosh, there was more exciting news at this week’s meeting of Seacoast Peers for Careers! AR, who had been offered a job last week, met with HR to discuss salary and benefits which ended up being better than expected. No negotiation was needed! And Tim, who had two interviews last week as a result of his Hidden Gems article, was offered a sales manager position at a branch of a company he had worked for early in his career. He told us, between smiles, that it felt like he was “coming home.” Both start March 1.

While there was much cheering, it is also bittersweet knowing that these two folks who have become dear to us are off on new adventures. And as much as we earnestly wished them ‘God speed,” there was a momentary sadness that we weren’t the ones sharing the good news. But such is the ebb and flow of life.

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